


It's Not My Place Anymore

by Creedmes



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Jealousy, Season 8 compliant, Shiro married Curtis, keith is sad, letting go, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 01:46:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17416637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Creedmes/pseuds/Creedmes
Summary: After attending Shiro's and Curtis's wedding, Keith went home and realized that he had to let go from the past in order to be happy for the newlyweds





	It's Not My Place Anymore

**Author's Note:**

> Look, I wrote this in one sitting and edited it once because I was just in a bad mood and wanted to vent it out. I've had this idea on the backburner for so long and this was my one chance of finally getting it done! So, I apologize if it's dull or needs massive editing. I just wanted to get it out of the way. If you read through it all, thanks for sticking around. I just needed to get some bad feelings out by making Keith sad ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ I also wrote this at night, so I might've been tired when I was writing it.
> 
> I'm also on [tumblr](https://creedmes.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/creedmes)

Hearing the clergyman tell the newlywed couple they could finally kiss made his heart ache underneath his shirt, vest and tie. Keith was happy for Shiro. He  _ was _ happy for him. He just had to keep telling himself that, and hopefully it’ll wind up being true. Hopefully. Seeing the smile on Shiro’s face as he looked into Curtis’s eyes made Keith want to smile for them. But there was something in his gut that told him he was going to be sick if he lied to himself too much. So he stopped lying to himself.

Keith knew he shouldn’t be jealous. He knew it wasn’t right. Shiro was happy now and he had found his one true love, right? Right? It shouldn’t matter to him since it’s not his place to decide what Shiro got to do with his life. He was his own man and he could make his own choices without having to confide in someone else to get a second-opinion on any matter.

Once the ceremony was over and everyone ushered into the reception hall to celebrate, Keith stepped aside. Everyone walked by all while complimenting the happy couple and discussing the choices of how the hall was decorated for the evening. He caught snippets of passing conversations of how the white flowers were beautiful in the centerpieces on tables, and how a few people didn’t care for the large crystal chandelier that hung overhead. Keith assumed some people just didn’t care for the superfluous decor like others did.

Shrugging the thought out of his mind, Keith plastered a kind smile on his face as people continued walking past him to enter the hall. He waved off those who asked why he was standing outside; why he didn’t come in and hang out with friends. He didn’t want to lie to their faces since it would twist his stomach into more knots he would have to deal with later, but he also couldn’t tell them the truth because he knew it would make him out to be a terrible person. It was best just to act like he didn’t hear them or shrugged in response.

Being jealous at someone’s wedding all because he wasn’t the one getting married to the groom he cared most for didn’t bode well with him. All he cared for was for Shiro to be happy. And now that Shiro was happy, Keith thought his time to show his care for his friend had been spent and he could take his leave. He didn’t want to be here any longer, anyway.

As the stragglers finally shuffled indoors, Keith stuffed his hands into his pockets and spun on his heels to leave. If anyone asked why he didn’t come to the reception and joined in with toasting the happy couple and offering well-wishes, he’ll pin it on being tired or something. He’ll need a little bit of time to think of something more reasonable, something  _ believable _ . Whatever that will be, he didn’t know. But he couldn’t stay here. He wasn’t exactly sure why, but he knew that he wouldn’t be welcome if he stuck around. What if he said something in front of Curtis that upset him or made him hate Keith? What if he tried congratulating Shiro on his new life but it was spoken with unintended animosity? Keith didn’t trust himself to not accidentally blow this whole night for everyone because of his own feelings he held for Shiro.   


He’s read into the lines too much to believe that he and Shiro were something more than two friends who had saved each other countless times in the past. He held his thin smile and tipped his head down low as he walked toward his hoverbike. He didn’t look back to see if anyone had come out to find him. He didn’t want anyone to try and stop him from leaving early.

Taking his hands out of his pockets, Keith’s smile vanished when he put the key in the ignition and started to drive away from the scene. He rode off into the sunset alone.

******

Pulling his tie loose felt like he was freeing himself from his own feelings. At least his room was blessedly quiet when he pushed through the door and dropped his keys somewhere on the floor. He didn’t care where they landed. He’ll pick them up and set them on a table later. Right now, all he had eyes for was his bed that was tucked up in the corner of the quaint bedroom.

Closing the door behind him by kicking it back until he heard the latch lock into place, Keith let out a sigh that had been sitting heavily on his chest all evening. He toed off his shoes before walking over toward his bed. The ceremony had been a little under an hour in length thanks to the inane spiel the clergyman had to give and then having to listen to the wholehearted vows the newlyweds said to each other. Keith was just so happy to be alone in his room and away from everyone else now.

Well, not exactly alone. There was at least someone he was glad to see even though he didn’t want to talk to anyone right now.

Tail thumping loudly on the top comforter, Keith didn’t say anything to shoo Kosmo away. He didn’t have the heart in him to ever tell the wolf he couldn’t be on the bed. The wolf whined with glee knowing his friend was home, but when Keith just stared at him with a dead expression, Kosmo silenced himself.

Keith tipped his head down to tear his tie away and off his neck. The collar of his button-down shirt flipped up when he removed the tie. Dropping the pointless piece of attire to the floor, Keith set his hands to work to unbutton his vest and peeled it off next. Once both arms were free from that, he dropped it on the floor as well. He’ll pick everything up later. He didn’t have the energy nor the care to put it in a hamper at the moment.

His fingers worked fast to unbutton his shirt. If Keith didn’t have any care in the world, he would have just ripped the two openings of his shirt in either direction and watch the buttons go flying as they popped and released. But this was one of his only nice shirts that he owned, and he’d rather not destroy it over something he shouldn’t be upset about.

Shrugging out of the shirt and watching it fall to the ground, Keith stood there in the middle of his room without any expression on his face. He stared blankly at his bed; watching as Kosmo shuffled himself back against the wall to make room for him.

“Thanks, buddy,” Keith said with a small grin. He undid the button and fly of his pants and wiggled out of the surprisingly tight garment. Stepping out of the pants that pooled down at his ankles, Keith was left in nothing but his underwear and a pair of socks.

Tired from the day and having to listen to his own lies as he faked his way through being happy during the wedding, Keith barely made it to the bed before collapsing face first into the mattress.

Kosmo made a whiny noise from his nose as he sniffed at Keith’s hair. When Keith crawled onto the bed to lie on his stomach and had his face half-buried in his pillow, he took in a deep, uneven breath. If he focused hard enough, he was hyper aware of how his heart thumped in his chest. Rather than dwell on how the feeling rattled his bones and made him want to wrap his arms around his body, Keith closed his eyes and pinched his face before any true emotions could escape.

But he wasn’t strong when he was alone. He was frail; weak and unstable on his own. He struggled to keep his emotions in check when there wasn’t someone here with him to talk him down before he crashed within himself. He knew he shouldn’t be jealous or upset over Shiro finding someone to be happy with. He just didn’t want to admit to himself that Shiro would choose Curtis over him.

Shaking his head against the pillow, Keith told himself he was being ridiculous and irrational. He had to get it to his own thick head that it wasn’t his place anymore. If he and Shiro actually cared for each other like Keith had come to believe, then they would have been the happy couple right now who had just gotten married. But they weren’t and it turned out that Shiro’s happily ever after was with Curtis. Not him.

A wet nose tickled the hot skin on his back. Keith’s eyes flew open when he flinched as the nose worked its way closer toward his neck and up behind his left ear. His shoulder hunched up to ward off the ticklish feeling but Kosmo persisted. Keith let out a heartless laugh when he felt Kosmo’s flat tongue lick at his neck to console him.

“Hey, quit it,” Keith whispered. Lifting his head up, he turned to see Kosmo pulling away to try and bury his muzzle close to the area between Keith’s neck and shoulder. The creature knew he was upset and it wanted him to feel better. At least Kosmo was a good enough listener who cared deeply for him. When Keith thought about as much, he was happy to know he had Kosmo here with him.

Staring at the bright yellow eyes that watched him back, Keith wiggled on the mattress to raise his left hand up from having it tucked up next to his side. He reached up to scratch behind Kosmo’s ear and smiled at the wolf. The soft fur on Kosmo’s tail brushed against Keith’s bare leg, and he was happy that the wolf was here for him when he needed him most.

“You’re a good boy,” Keith told him with a smile on his face.

Kosmo stuck his tongue out as a response and quickly reeled it back in to tuck his face closer to Keith’s. Keith slowed his hand from scratching to resort to soft pats on the top of Kosmo’s head. The position they were in was awkward, and while his shoulder was starting to ache from having to hold it up to reach for Kosmo, Keith was a little bit happier than when he was alone and driving home.

But he wasn’t really happy, was he? Keith thought about how he truly felt right now. He knew it wasn’t right of him to want something he couldn’t have. This feeling of believing he should be with Shiro right now was only going to upset him more than it should. He couldn’t let this intrude on his life like it did. He needed to stop thinking like this. If he kept thinking about how upset he was that he didn’t have Shiro—or really anyone for that matter—then he was going to run himself into a pit of sadness. A pit he might never pull himself out of.

“Hey?” Keith stopped petting Kosmo until the wolf brought his face up to regard Keith with sleepy eyes. Keith had to admit he was tired too after the long day, but he needed to say something first before he’ll fall asleep. “Do you think it’s wrong of me to be upset about this? Is it really something I should be sad about?”

Kosmo didn’t react. He blinked at him, but he didn’t give any indication that he had any idea what Keith was talking about. He was a wolf, after all. Keith should have realized he wasn’t talking to some sort of inter-galactic therapist who could listen to him all day and give incredibly helpful advice. No, Kosmo was just a space wolf. But he was a great listener . . .

“I know Shiro and I have history together as friends. We’ve been through so much and have gone to great lengths to find and save each other so many times.” Keith rubbed Kosmo’s ear between his fingers and thumb. He watched as the wolf laid his head down, tongue flopping out of his mouth and drooling over his half of the pillow. Keith didn’t mind since he’ll probably stay up all night anyway rather than toss and turn trying to sleep. Keith will make a mental note to wash his sheets in the morning. While he played with Kosmo’s ear, he went on. “We’ve known each other since he held a presentation for the Garrison at my old school. He knew there was potential for me as a pilot and he even vouched for me to get me into the Garrison. He’s the main reason why I was there to begin with. I just . . . I don’t know. I don’t know what I want to say”

He trailed off and couldn’t figure out exactly where he had planned on going with this. His mind was flustered with so many different emotions. It seemed that Kolivan had been right that he let his emotions get in the way sometimes. He wanted to say that he felt that the marriage wasn’t right and that Shiro had made a mistake but he couldn’t bring himself to actually say those words. It hurt to even think coldly toward Curtis just because he got in Keith’s way. He didn’t deserve the ire Keith had for him. If anything, Keith felt disgusted with himself that he would even let himself think about such a negative thing toward a person.

He squeezed his eyes closed, bringing his hand away from Kosmo. The wolf didn’t whine when Keith stopped petting him, but he did try to worm his way closer to comfort Keith. Some stray tears found their way out of his eyes and trailed down his face before they were absorbed by the pillow. He didn’t want to think about anything right now. He just wanted to forget he even said anything.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, “I just want him to be happy. I really do. But I guess in order for Shiro to be happy, I have to accept the fact that he’s happy  _ without me _ . And before you go off thinking I’m some horrible person for wanting something I can’t have, I want you to know that I hate even thinking about such a thing to begin with. I already know it’s an awful thing to think about. I can’t help it, okay? I’m . . . I just wanted to be happy with Shiro, I guess.”

Kosmo didn’t say anything. He just pressed himself closer to Keith until Keith couldn’t smell anything other than the musky scent that stuck to Kosmo’s fur. Wrapping an arm around his wolf companion, Keith shook as he went through a wave of emotions he had kept bottled up during the ceremony.

He didn’t say anything when the clergyman had said “Speak now, or forever hold your peace.” Keith knew it wouldn’t have been right to speak up. He would have only caused a scene and he would have lost Shiro more than he already did had he done such a thing. He didn’t want to lose Shiro any more, so he kept his mouth shut with a fine smile on his face as the clergyman went on. He told himself it wasn’t his last chance before the fate was sealed forever. He just told himself to keep on breathing and to let the ceremony play out. He had to let the happy couple be happy together.

Keith swallowed when he realized it. If he had to, he’ll hold his tongue and will hold his peace for Shiro. It was the only thing he could do. He thought he was foolish thinking he and Shiro had anything to begin with. He thought all of the signs were there, but they clearly weren’t there at all. It was all in his head and he was blind to the obvious. Even though it made his heart hurt, he had to be happy for Shiro by being without him.

Wrapping his arm around Kosmo, he hugged the wolf close to his side until he could calm himself down. Keith didn’t want to think anymore. He just wanted today to be over with. He’ll be happy for Shiro. It’ll take some time to come to terms with that, but he’ll be happy for him even if it hurt too much to accept right now. He just hoped that Shiro and Curtis were happy.

And it wasn’t like Keith was completely alone. He had Kosmo with him right now. Blinking one eye at the wolf, Keith moved closer and buried his face into the nape of Kosmo’s neck. The wolf whined and probably drooled more on his pillow when he realized Keith wasn’t happy, but Keith could care less about the drool. He was just glad there was someone here to lend a sympathetic ear.

Keith fell asleep where he laid with his arm still wrapped around Kosmo.


End file.
